Tatalo Alamu


It was a most blissful morning in Lagos eerily paying homage to halcyon days whenever you wakened within the village to be greeted by the great scent of moin-moin and akara within the neighborhood.

If you’re a  grasp on this gastronomic matter, you can inform which stage of readiness for consumption the delicacy had reached by merely placing your nostrils to work: from the faintly undercooked to the delicately cooked and on to the grossly overcooked which was often reserved for the impertinent interloper.

After the midnight rains which clattered on the roof and whined on endlessly, a wondrous calm had descended on the nation.

Hopefully the rains would have washed away the final vestiges of the dreadful coronavirus which had turned the reside of all people right into a dreadful distress within the final three months or so. The traumatic affect of this plague is such that no one could be in a rush to neglect.

However Coro virus or no Coro virus, nothing might have bettered the calm tranquillity of this early June morning as yours sincerely curled up in mattress watching America unravel on tv with sleepy-eyed disbelief.

The serenity of the attractive morning was ultimately shattered when Okon barged in resplendently attired in useful resource management costumes replete with colonial bowler hat and carved strolling follow match. Snooper was greatly surprised.

“And the place is his Excellency heading out to so early within the morning?” snooper requested with affected reverence.

“Ha oga morning sir. I wan shortly attain dem place dem dey name On-line make man signal dem comdomless register for dem 12 2/three Ibadan man. Dem say dem place dey between Mile 12 and Majidun”, the loopy fellow responded with pomp and swagger.

“Ah sure. You flip proper at Mile Twelve to attach with Alapere”, snooper famous, hoping to ship the chap on a false path to terminal perdition. However the fellow picked the scent of ambush.

“Ah oga, Okon no be idiot o. You wan make dem Alapere police finis man? These one dem be like dem Obudu crimson ants. Dem dey battle something and dem dey chunk something”, Okon famous with a cynical snort sending one to convulsive laughing.

“Okon, however you stated you had been going to Ibadan to signal the register final week?” snooper inquired.

“Ha oga, dat one na Ogbonge wahala. Dem border police come arrest Okon for dem Ojodu Berger say man don attain Ogun State. Dem ineffective police simply keep close to dem Motor Park and dem dey acquire passenger cash say dem don cross border. Naim I come bounce inside ditch and I come inform dem say I don attain Lagos once more,” Okon sniggered.

It was at this level that Mama Igosun crashed in eyeing Okon with malice whilst she tried to take away his hat along with her strolling stick.

“Akanbi, gudu morin o jare (Good morning, please) I do know say dis boy na rascal and na correct asinde( madman) I no know whether or not him be ogbologbo jaguda. He good make you dey on him case earlier than him come convey military robbers make dem come do sababi (evil) to you ooo.” The previous girl chanted breathlessly.

“Ha mama, what has Okon accomplished once more ooo?”, snooper requested in a really conciliatory tone.

“Are you see. Since I come Lagos, all my knickers and dem corsets dey disappear one after the other”, the previous girl lamented.

“Ha Iya, I do know knickers however what’s corsets?” your sincerely requested in real ignorance.

“Ha, you sabi knickers however you no sabi corsets, abi? So when you wan items all dem Lagos ladies the way you dey do am? Corset na komu. Abi you no sabi komu? Se o mo komu?” the traditional girl screamed in vernacular .( Komu is Yoruba phrase for brassiere)

“Ah o sure, I do know bra, I do know brassiere”, snooper rapidly assented with a contact of coy embarrassment, earlier than the entire thing descended into village vulgarity.

“All dat one na yeye grammar. Bra ko, bra ni.  All dem corset I purchase dem from Lennards, Leventis, Kingsway, Chellerams, Enike Zard, Patterson, Bhojsons and dem I. Mudah dem accomplished steal dem for  excessive wire”, the previous girl wailed.

“Mama Okon could seem like thief however he won’t ever do this”, snooper pleaded. Sensing a lull within the hostilities, the mad boy, as accident-prone as ever, put his heavy boot in.

“Ha oga na dat one na wetin dem Fela dey name Scorching Pants or pata gbogbona”, the loopy boy sniggered as he eyed mama Igosun with mock pity.

“Shut up. I do know say you be thief. Na Akanbi him head no dey effectively. I dey hear you and dem Ibo boy effectively effectively for evening becos you assume say I don sleep.  I provide you with seven days. For those who no return dem stuff thunder go items you earlier than dem eight days. If he no occur no be Akanbi Olukoso born me”, the previous girl cursed and swept out.

  • Subsequent Week: Okon is detained at Alatupa Station

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